Managing Toddler Temper Tantrums - "Do Not Negotiate With Terrorists"
"We do not negotiate with terrorists!" has become my go to mental mantra when I'm in the throes of a freak out.
I don't remember the particulars of the event that preempted this in-the-heat-of-the-moment, "we do not negotiate with terrorists!" declaration from my husband, but it brought some levity to the situation. It likely involved a sandwich getting cut into triangles when a son wanted squares, or he'd just realized he'd been sleeping with a pea under his mattress. I don't know. But it resulted in an overflowing waterfall of angry tears and screaming, and a finale of attempts at breath holding until almost passing out (yes, I have one of those children). We may have even been held hostage. The details are hazy.
As the supposed-to-be-rational adult in the situation, we've learned to try and keep ourselves calm, and being a little funny in our head really helps. If we're not letting our emotions get the the best of us, we can focus on preventing them from hurting themselves, and wait for all the adrenaline rushing through their little body to pass through. The reasoning part of their brain literally isn't able to engage in these times. As our specialist told me, it's best to let it run its course, then have a good cuddle while validating their feelings, and get back to eating the triangles, which in our experience, could now magically be stomached.
The biggest part of all this is remembering that this is age appropriate. Still, don't give in to unacceptable behavior, but don't give it opportunity to damage your child's self worth or your relationship. Harsh punishments, harsh words, or having your own adult temper tantrum, can cause problems that aren't so easily grown out of. With patience, love, work, emotional maturity, and maybe even professional help, it will get better. So stay calm, let it run its course, and remember, do not negotiate with terrorists.
I don't remember the particulars of the event that preempted this in-the-heat-of-the-moment, "we do not negotiate with terrorists!" declaration from my husband, but it brought some levity to the situation. It likely involved a sandwich getting cut into triangles when a son wanted squares, or he'd just realized he'd been sleeping with a pea under his mattress. I don't know. But it resulted in an overflowing waterfall of angry tears and screaming, and a finale of attempts at breath holding until almost passing out (yes, I have one of those children). We may have even been held hostage. The details are hazy.
As the supposed-to-be-rational adult in the situation, we've learned to try and keep ourselves calm, and being a little funny in our head really helps. If we're not letting our emotions get the the best of us, we can focus on preventing them from hurting themselves, and wait for all the adrenaline rushing through their little body to pass through. The reasoning part of their brain literally isn't able to engage in these times. As our specialist told me, it's best to let it run its course, then have a good cuddle while validating their feelings, and get back to eating the triangles, which in our experience, could now magically be stomached.
The biggest part of all this is remembering that this is age appropriate. Still, don't give in to unacceptable behavior, but don't give it opportunity to damage your child's self worth or your relationship. Harsh punishments, harsh words, or having your own adult temper tantrum, can cause problems that aren't so easily grown out of. With patience, love, work, emotional maturity, and maybe even professional help, it will get better. So stay calm, let it run its course, and remember, do not negotiate with terrorists.